Why are thighs so Prima Donna? Why are they all Diva and narcissistic?
They're always so puffed up and proud of themselves. They're always showing themselves off no matter what you wear to try to disguise them a bit. They're always smiling their big, dimply smiles for everyone to see.
And they're noisy. Always have something to say. They are so desperate for attention that they make a ruckus when you walk. If you're wearing jeans they make a slightly raspy din as the seams rub together. Wearing yoga pants? A bit of a "rubbing two sticks together until they combust" racket. And maybe they really could combust? I don't know but I refuse to call their bluff by hopping on the StairMaster! Wearing spanks beneath a pretty dress? Oh yeah, lots of fun sound effects there. Thighs just don't let up!
Have you ever had your jeans spontaneously rip in the thighs? Like when you're at work and you're, oh, say, bending over to fetch a prescription off the lowest shelf? In fact, when your jeans are getting just a little worn in that spot do you have actual nightmares about them ripping in an inconvenient, and obvious, situation?
D'oh! I loathe you self-centered, vainglorious, conceited thighs!!! On the other hand, I guess it's good that I have thighs. Without them I'd be as tall, not to mention as charming, as Cotton Hill. [Between you and me? I'm already just as pleasant as good ole' Cotton, but without the lack of half my legs and the silver-gray crew cut nobody has seemed to notice it yet. No comments from you, darling daughter!!! ]
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
And now: An educated and enlightened movie review.
Hubby and I had a movie date Friday night. We saw the new Liam Neeson movie which is called "Unknown" or "Forgotten" or "Amnesia" or "What the Heck is Going On?" or "Hasn't This Story Already Been Told?" or something like that. Clearly, I loved it.
January Jones? Way too young to be Liam Neeson's wife. Way too young. But isn't that always how it is in movies? Don't even get me started on the whole double standard thing!
Also? January Jones? BAD ACTOR!!! Seriously bad. Not believable. Did not come off as the intelligent wife of a doctor. Didn't come off as the intelligent anything. Couldn't carry off being snooty and uppity with any conviction at all. Seemed spoiled, but nothing more than that.
Also? January Jones? Way too bony!!!! And that's not jealousy talking : ) She's entirely too thin and doesn't look the least bit feminine. She looks fragile and starving and unhealthy. There's something about a female character (especially one who is supposed to be as strong and accomplished in her position as her character is supposed to be) who is unnaturally skinny that's unconvincing.
Ten minutes into the movie I had the plot mostly figured out. Although, I will say I was pleasantly surprised at two twists that I didn't see coming.
The minute Frank Langella came on the screen I knew he was a bad guy. Because he's always the bad guy. ALWAYS. If you want to tip the audience off and leave absolutely no suspense whatsoever, cast Frank Langella as the bad guy. Aaaaand scene!
In a surprise move, there was a skinny, beautiful, young blonde girl who was inexplicably willing to risk everything she owns, everyone she loves as well as her own life to help a complete stranger. Oh, wait. That's not a surprise move. It's been done to death! And I need to point out that there is no earthly justification for the assassins not killing said skinny, beautiful, blonde girl in the apartment scene. They killed, with not a moment of compunction, the MRI tech, the nurse and the friend in the stairwell. They didn't need the blonde girl. They wasted time and effort not killing her. It made no sense. At all. In the midst of a movie that's all about logic : )
Luckily, there were a couple fight scenes. They were protracted and ridiculous. Like all movie fight scenes are . . .
And then there was a car chase. It was protracted and ridiculous. Like all movie car chases are. But, wait! There were two car chases! And just in case the first one wasn't implausible enough, the second one featured a man who had never been in the city insisting upon driving. It took place during a snowy winter, and the girl who he refused to let drive was a taxi cab driver in that city!!!!! So at least it was reality based . . .
On a related note: I think I should wear more purple, like the skinny, beautiful, blonde girl in the final scene. I should probably also go for the tall, skinny, beautiful, blonde look while I'm at it. I'll work on that : )
January Jones? Way too young to be Liam Neeson's wife. Way too young. But isn't that always how it is in movies? Don't even get me started on the whole double standard thing!
Also? January Jones? BAD ACTOR!!! Seriously bad. Not believable. Did not come off as the intelligent wife of a doctor. Didn't come off as the intelligent anything. Couldn't carry off being snooty and uppity with any conviction at all. Seemed spoiled, but nothing more than that.
Also? January Jones? Way too bony!!!! And that's not jealousy talking : ) She's entirely too thin and doesn't look the least bit feminine. She looks fragile and starving and unhealthy. There's something about a female character (especially one who is supposed to be as strong and accomplished in her position as her character is supposed to be) who is unnaturally skinny that's unconvincing.
Ten minutes into the movie I had the plot mostly figured out. Although, I will say I was pleasantly surprised at two twists that I didn't see coming.
The minute Frank Langella came on the screen I knew he was a bad guy. Because he's always the bad guy. ALWAYS. If you want to tip the audience off and leave absolutely no suspense whatsoever, cast Frank Langella as the bad guy. Aaaaand scene!
In a surprise move, there was a skinny, beautiful, young blonde girl who was inexplicably willing to risk everything she owns, everyone she loves as well as her own life to help a complete stranger. Oh, wait. That's not a surprise move. It's been done to death! And I need to point out that there is no earthly justification for the assassins not killing said skinny, beautiful, blonde girl in the apartment scene. They killed, with not a moment of compunction, the MRI tech, the nurse and the friend in the stairwell. They didn't need the blonde girl. They wasted time and effort not killing her. It made no sense. At all. In the midst of a movie that's all about logic : )
Luckily, there were a couple fight scenes. They were protracted and ridiculous. Like all movie fight scenes are . . .
And then there was a car chase. It was protracted and ridiculous. Like all movie car chases are. But, wait! There were two car chases! And just in case the first one wasn't implausible enough, the second one featured a man who had never been in the city insisting upon driving. It took place during a snowy winter, and the girl who he refused to let drive was a taxi cab driver in that city!!!!! So at least it was reality based . . .
On a related note: I think I should wear more purple, like the skinny, beautiful, blonde girl in the final scene. I should probably also go for the tall, skinny, beautiful, blonde look while I'm at it. I'll work on that : )
Pho me
So. Hubby is on new pain meds. He needs to have food in his stomach before he can take them so as we left the pharmacy and headed home I was thinking about what we had in the fridge that I could put together quickly so he could take his pills and be relieved of the agony.
I determined what I could make the quickest was a stop at a take-out place . . .
Everyone at work has been going on and on about the Pho take-out place across the street. And I saw Robin's Pho noodle leftovers one day--they looked and smelled delicious! Plus, she told me how inexpensive and convenient it was. I decided that's what I'd do in this pinch.
Only I didn't know how to order. The menu is written in Vietnamese (or something. I'm not sure.) And yes, they have English translations but I didn't catch that right away. I ordered what I thought was the same thing that Robin had had but it seemed a bit more expensive than she'd promised. And then moments after ordering and paying and after the kitchen had already received my order and started on it, I realized I was getting soup and not noodles. And I knew how my hubby feels about suspicious oriental soup.
When I got into the car with the goods he took one whiff and asked, "what did you buy?"
"It's soup!" I cheerfully replied.
"I thought you were getting noodles."
"Yeah," I let the sparkling facade go. It wasn't fooling him. "But I didn't understand the menu."
"It smells like a diaper."
"It's beef soup! It will be fine. I also got egg rolls. I wanted to get some food in your stomach quickly."
"So you bought me poop soup? There better not be any beaks staring up at me when I take the lid off."
"I already told you, it's beef soup."
"Like I said, there better not be any beaks staring up at me."
The pain has not affected Hubby's distrustful nature : )
I determined what I could make the quickest was a stop at a take-out place . . .
Everyone at work has been going on and on about the Pho take-out place across the street. And I saw Robin's Pho noodle leftovers one day--they looked and smelled delicious! Plus, she told me how inexpensive and convenient it was. I decided that's what I'd do in this pinch.
Only I didn't know how to order. The menu is written in Vietnamese (or something. I'm not sure.) And yes, they have English translations but I didn't catch that right away. I ordered what I thought was the same thing that Robin had had but it seemed a bit more expensive than she'd promised. And then moments after ordering and paying and after the kitchen had already received my order and started on it, I realized I was getting soup and not noodles. And I knew how my hubby feels about suspicious oriental soup.
When I got into the car with the goods he took one whiff and asked, "what did you buy?"
"It's soup!" I cheerfully replied.
"I thought you were getting noodles."
"Yeah," I let the sparkling facade go. It wasn't fooling him. "But I didn't understand the menu."
"It smells like a diaper."
"It's beef soup! It will be fine. I also got egg rolls. I wanted to get some food in your stomach quickly."
"So you bought me poop soup? There better not be any beaks staring up at me when I take the lid off."
"I already told you, it's beef soup."
"Like I said, there better not be any beaks staring up at me."
The pain has not affected Hubby's distrustful nature : )
So. *That* didn't work . . .
Again. I had the trouble again with not being able to string more than two good days together on the Hcg diet. So I stopped. Again. But, the great news is that I seem to be holding steady at my new set point weight. I have not confirmed that with the scale--I'm going by how my clothes fit and right now they fit great!
I am not sure exactly what my plan is right now. I desperately need to get over the all-or-nothing mentality that trips me up every single time. Every. Single. Time!
For now I am trying only to eat when I'm hungry. To stop when I'm satisfied. To make sure I'm getting not only starches (my love, my life, my starches!) but also more veggie and fruit carbs in my daily intake.
The thing about veggies is: they *scream* for fat to go with them; to make them better; to take them higher; to complete them. Oh veggies and fat, how do I love thee? And believe me, I am not opposed to veggies with fat--I hold no unfair prejudice at all! The problem is when I have a salad, for example, but the amount of salad dressing and cheese and bacon bits (and a crouton or two--who am I to discriminate against the noble crouton?) by far outweigh the benefits of the few stray lettuce leaves and the couple of garbanzo beans rolling around. Maybe that's not the best way to increase my servings of veggies. Just sayin . . .
On the other hand, one thing I have gained much better control over is my love for Coke. I have had a lifelong love affair with Coke. I have even written a touching and sybaritic ode to my former One True Love. Yes, I said former.
I have kicked the caramel colored/carbonated/high fructose corn syrup dependence many, many times in the past and have always gone back to it. But this time it feels very different. I was off Coke for so long during my first (and only successful) round of Hcg that it became a non issue. Now when I taste it (and sometimes I do) it's overly sweet and not the same satisfying near-crack experience it used to be to me. However, I still do indulge from time to time. And I think I'm going to let that be okay. I think instead of going back to drinking 2 or 3 every single day just because I couldn't 100% kick the habit (all-or-nothing, much?) I'm going to allow myself to enjoy one or two on the weekends. Or give in to my trigger event which is when we're dining out. And it's not going to make or break me. That's the plan : )
[Side note: I have a whole issue with the Coca-Cola store in Vegas. When there a couple years ago I wanted a cute t-shirt or tank top emblazoned with the free advertising of my poison of choice. They had lots of fun Coke gear for men, but in the women's section it was all Diet Coke. It struck me as stereotyping and I was quite angry about it. On the other hand, I do, in large part, owe my not-exactly-feminine-ideal figure to having drunk about a million gallons of the full-on sugar drink . . . ]
Okay. So that's my plan. Not to let food and dieting rule my life. Not to allow my all-or-nothing OCD to derail all the good I've done. And probably to work on getting more exercise.
Let's just see if it takes : )
I am not sure exactly what my plan is right now. I desperately need to get over the all-or-nothing mentality that trips me up every single time. Every. Single. Time!
For now I am trying only to eat when I'm hungry. To stop when I'm satisfied. To make sure I'm getting not only starches (my love, my life, my starches!) but also more veggie and fruit carbs in my daily intake.
The thing about veggies is: they *scream* for fat to go with them; to make them better; to take them higher; to complete them. Oh veggies and fat, how do I love thee? And believe me, I am not opposed to veggies with fat--I hold no unfair prejudice at all! The problem is when I have a salad, for example, but the amount of salad dressing and cheese and bacon bits (and a crouton or two--who am I to discriminate against the noble crouton?) by far outweigh the benefits of the few stray lettuce leaves and the couple of garbanzo beans rolling around. Maybe that's not the best way to increase my servings of veggies. Just sayin . . .
On the other hand, one thing I have gained much better control over is my love for Coke. I have had a lifelong love affair with Coke. I have even written a touching and sybaritic ode to my former One True Love. Yes, I said former.
I have kicked the caramel colored/carbonated/high fructose corn syrup dependence many, many times in the past and have always gone back to it. But this time it feels very different. I was off Coke for so long during my first (and only successful) round of Hcg that it became a non issue. Now when I taste it (and sometimes I do) it's overly sweet and not the same satisfying near-crack experience it used to be to me. However, I still do indulge from time to time. And I think I'm going to let that be okay. I think instead of going back to drinking 2 or 3 every single day just because I couldn't 100% kick the habit (all-or-nothing, much?) I'm going to allow myself to enjoy one or two on the weekends. Or give in to my trigger event which is when we're dining out. And it's not going to make or break me. That's the plan : )
[Side note: I have a whole issue with the Coca-Cola store in Vegas. When there a couple years ago I wanted a cute t-shirt or tank top emblazoned with the free advertising of my poison of choice. They had lots of fun Coke gear for men, but in the women's section it was all Diet Coke. It struck me as stereotyping and I was quite angry about it. On the other hand, I do, in large part, owe my not-exactly-feminine-ideal figure to having drunk about a million gallons of the full-on sugar drink . . . ]
Okay. So that's my plan. Not to let food and dieting rule my life. Not to allow my all-or-nothing OCD to derail all the good I've done. And probably to work on getting more exercise.
Let's just see if it takes : )
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
How I arrived at this plateau (which, I must admit, has a lovely view : )
I'm about halfway through my weight loss and health improvement journey. Every step of the way has been tremendously difficult but I keep plugging away--3 steps forward, 2 steps back.
In a nutshell: Athletic, strong, healthy gymnast and drill team member as a kid. Married young, three kids.
SoccerBallet4-HWrestlingPianoSymphonyHomeschooling mom. Driving my kids around to all those activities (and putting their interests well before my own) meant lots of eating in the car, very little exercise and very little taking care of me.
And I'm going to be starkly honest and admit that I have loved junk food since I was a little kid. Not that Mom allowed us to eat junk food back in the day. And speaking of back in the day (I'm 43) in my part of the country (backwoods Pacific Northwest) there wasn't the proliferation of junk food available to us like there is now. When I was a teenager (driving and earning money on my own) I managed to down a lot of junk food. But because I was so active it didn't affect my weight at all.
Having over scheduled children, my crushing habit of and obsession with bad food, eating on the run and not having the chance (plus not being at all committed) to exercise of course led to rapid weight gain. I manged to lose 30 of the excess 40 before I got pregnant with number 3 but all hell broke loose with my body after number 3 was born. By then I was in my late 20s, the older kids' activities and my obligations were piling up and all my worst habits were compounding.
Flash forward to 2002: My highest weight was . . . let's just agree it was ungodly large.
That's when I joined Curves. I was so relieved and happy after finishing my very first workout there! I couldn't believe my body even had the ability to make it through a 30 minute workout. It was liberating.
I lost almost 50 lbs doing nothing but Curves and beginning to keep a better eye on what I was eating--but not dieting in the strict sense of the word.
I have managed to keep 30 of the 50 lbs off consistently since then, but losing any more than that has been a tooth and nail fight. For the last 4 years I have dieted and exercised very, very hard to get back down to the 50 lb mark but the minute I let up, the weight returns and I'm right back up to the 30 lb mark (sometimes even a little higher.) Probably the weight comes back because I go back to my previous habit of eating anything I want, anytime I want.
I have tried EVERYTHING. Every. Single. Thing. I have tried every combination of cardio and weight training and yoga and dance class as well as just about every diet program you can think of. I have fed the muscles to go with the exercise, I've done fads and low carb and low calorie and on and on and on . . . I'm one of those people who can work her a$$ off for weeks and weeks and weeks at a time but lose only 2 or 3 pounds. Granted, I tone up and it always looks like I've lost much more than I really have--and I'm grateful for getting healthier and looking healthier--but I can't break beyond the barrier that keeps me looking behemoth.
Starting in October of 2010 I tried the Hcg diet and had wonderful success. It was amazing and I felt like I was on the right path towards reaching my ultimate goal.
I did the Hcg for 40 days, then 3 weeks of modified, followed by 3 weeks of regular eating but trying to stay away from too much sugar and refined foods. January 4th, 2011, I started the Hcg diet again and could not stick with it. It was awful. I couldn't string together more than 1 or 2 days at a time of actually following the diet. I don't know what was wrong with my attitude that I couldn't handle it.
I decided I had to stop wasting my time and energy on that diet and instead tried to eat healthy, clean food, watch my calories and exercise almost daily. It all started off well--and I even mostly prefer non junk food now after all the years of cooking and eating my freinds' fantastic food--but somehow I just couldn't get into the rhythm of exercise.
I am an all or nothing girl. Since I wasn't meeting my exercise expectations, I felt like a complete failure and I just let it all go in the eating department. Tonight I decided I'd better try doing another round of Hcg.
Wednesday, Feb 2, and Thursday, Feb 3, are going to be my load days and then I'll do between 21 and 40 days of low calorie eating + yoga. I want so much to lose 20 more lbs--I want it so badly!!! My oldest son is getting married in July and I want to be in the realm of just "chubby" rather than obese. I'm still athletic and I actually do have a nicely curvy figure (I am one of the lucky fat girls to have a waistline! That's my only good feature : ) but I want to look like a regular woman who can shop in the regular sizes at stores. That's really all I want.
And, of course, world peace : )
In a nutshell: Athletic, strong, healthy gymnast and drill team member as a kid. Married young, three kids.
SoccerBallet4-HWrestlingPianoSymphonyHomeschooling mom. Driving my kids around to all those activities (and putting their interests well before my own) meant lots of eating in the car, very little exercise and very little taking care of me.
And I'm going to be starkly honest and admit that I have loved junk food since I was a little kid. Not that Mom allowed us to eat junk food back in the day. And speaking of back in the day (I'm 43) in my part of the country (backwoods Pacific Northwest) there wasn't the proliferation of junk food available to us like there is now. When I was a teenager (driving and earning money on my own) I managed to down a lot of junk food. But because I was so active it didn't affect my weight at all.
Having over scheduled children, my crushing habit of and obsession with bad food, eating on the run and not having the chance (plus not being at all committed) to exercise of course led to rapid weight gain. I manged to lose 30 of the excess 40 before I got pregnant with number 3 but all hell broke loose with my body after number 3 was born. By then I was in my late 20s, the older kids' activities and my obligations were piling up and all my worst habits were compounding.
Flash forward to 2002: My highest weight was . . . let's just agree it was ungodly large.
That's when I joined Curves. I was so relieved and happy after finishing my very first workout there! I couldn't believe my body even had the ability to make it through a 30 minute workout. It was liberating.
I lost almost 50 lbs doing nothing but Curves and beginning to keep a better eye on what I was eating--but not dieting in the strict sense of the word.
I have managed to keep 30 of the 50 lbs off consistently since then, but losing any more than that has been a tooth and nail fight. For the last 4 years I have dieted and exercised very, very hard to get back down to the 50 lb mark but the minute I let up, the weight returns and I'm right back up to the 30 lb mark (sometimes even a little higher.) Probably the weight comes back because I go back to my previous habit of eating anything I want, anytime I want.
I have tried EVERYTHING. Every. Single. Thing. I have tried every combination of cardio and weight training and yoga and dance class as well as just about every diet program you can think of. I have fed the muscles to go with the exercise, I've done fads and low carb and low calorie and on and on and on . . . I'm one of those people who can work her a$$ off for weeks and weeks and weeks at a time but lose only 2 or 3 pounds. Granted, I tone up and it always looks like I've lost much more than I really have--and I'm grateful for getting healthier and looking healthier--but I can't break beyond the barrier that keeps me looking behemoth.
Starting in October of 2010 I tried the Hcg diet and had wonderful success. It was amazing and I felt like I was on the right path towards reaching my ultimate goal.
I did the Hcg for 40 days, then 3 weeks of modified, followed by 3 weeks of regular eating but trying to stay away from too much sugar and refined foods. January 4th, 2011, I started the Hcg diet again and could not stick with it. It was awful. I couldn't string together more than 1 or 2 days at a time of actually following the diet. I don't know what was wrong with my attitude that I couldn't handle it.
I decided I had to stop wasting my time and energy on that diet and instead tried to eat healthy, clean food, watch my calories and exercise almost daily. It all started off well--and I even mostly prefer non junk food now after all the years of cooking and eating my freinds' fantastic food--but somehow I just couldn't get into the rhythm of exercise.
I am an all or nothing girl. Since I wasn't meeting my exercise expectations, I felt like a complete failure and I just let it all go in the eating department. Tonight I decided I'd better try doing another round of Hcg.
Wednesday, Feb 2, and Thursday, Feb 3, are going to be my load days and then I'll do between 21 and 40 days of low calorie eating + yoga. I want so much to lose 20 more lbs--I want it so badly!!! My oldest son is getting married in July and I want to be in the realm of just "chubby" rather than obese. I'm still athletic and I actually do have a nicely curvy figure (I am one of the lucky fat girls to have a waistline! That's my only good feature : ) but I want to look like a regular woman who can shop in the regular sizes at stores. That's really all I want.
And, of course, world peace : )
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)