Sunday, February 20, 2011

And now: An educated and enlightened movie review.

Hubby and I had a movie date Friday night.  We saw the new Liam Neeson movie which is called "Unknown" or "Forgotten" or "Amnesia" or "What the Heck is Going On?" or "Hasn't This Story Already Been Told?" or something like that.  Clearly, I loved it.

January Jones?  Way too young to be Liam Neeson's wife.  Way too young.  But isn't that always how it is in movies?  Don't even get me started on the whole double standard thing! 

Also?  January Jones?  BAD ACTOR!!!  Seriously bad.  Not believable.  Did not come off as the intelligent wife of a doctor.  Didn't come off as the intelligent anything.  Couldn't carry off being snooty and uppity with any conviction at all.  Seemed spoiled, but nothing more than that. 

Also?  January Jones?  Way too bony!!!!  And that's not jealousy talking : )  She's entirely too thin and doesn't look the least bit feminine.  She looks fragile and starving and unhealthy.  There's something about a female character (especially one who is supposed to be as strong and accomplished in her position as her character is supposed to be) who is unnaturally skinny that's unconvincing. 

Ten minutes into the movie I had the plot mostly figured out.  Although, I will say I was pleasantly surprised at two twists that I didn't see coming. 

The minute Frank Langella came on the screen I knew he was a bad guy.  Because he's always the bad guy.  ALWAYS.  If you want to tip the audience off and leave absolutely no suspense whatsoever, cast Frank Langella as the bad guy.  Aaaaand scene!

In a surprise move, there was a skinny, beautiful, young blonde girl who was inexplicably willing to risk everything she owns, everyone she loves as well as her own life to help a complete stranger.  Oh, wait.  That's not a surprise move.  It's been done to death!  And I need to point out that there is no earthly justification for the assassins not killing said skinny, beautiful, blonde girl in the apartment scene.  They killed, with not a moment of compunction, the MRI tech, the nurse and the friend in the stairwell.  They didn't need the blonde girl.  They wasted time and effort not killing her.  It made no sense.  At all.  In the midst of a movie that's all about logic : )

Luckily, there were a couple fight scenes.  They were protracted and ridiculous.  Like all movie fight scenes are . . .

And then there was a car chase.  It was protracted and ridiculous.  Like all movie car chases are.  But, wait!  There were two car chases!  And just in case the first one wasn't implausible enough, the second one featured a man who had never been in the city insisting upon driving.  It took place during a snowy winter, and the girl who he refused to let drive was a taxi cab driver in that city!!!!!  So at least it was reality based . . .

On a related note:  I think I should wear more purple, like the skinny, beautiful, blonde girl in the final scene.  I should probably also go for the tall, skinny, beautiful, blonde look while I'm at it.  I'll work on that : )

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